Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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