that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize