she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
