Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
