This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
