but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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