Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dicks are not precious.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
