the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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