Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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