I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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