Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
