Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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