its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
