My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
