if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
