i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
