its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
