So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
