I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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