i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
