So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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