I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
