U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
