I want to walk on stilts...naked
Small penises have feelings too.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
