as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
