youre lurking in front of me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
