You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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