hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
