you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
