well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
