The maid of honor just puked.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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