her vagine was all disorganized.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
