I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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