Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
