sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
