I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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