Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
