The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
