So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize