Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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