I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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