this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
