she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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