Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
