I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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