Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize