To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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