Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
