God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
