please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
