Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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