i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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