my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
