dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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