I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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