i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
