yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize