:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
