Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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