just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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