you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
