true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
