Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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