im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
