he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
