Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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