We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
