I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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