remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
