i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
