1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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