so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize