i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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