I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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