i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
