it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
