i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
