Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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