On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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