Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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