It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A bitchslap is in order.
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