I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
