also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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