I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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