im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
