I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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