I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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