I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
