I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize