____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
