Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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