So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
50% drunk capacity currently
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
