drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
