You work out of a Hotel?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
