All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
