ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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