id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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