i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
