I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
