I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize