member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
