new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
