Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize