Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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